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the girl with violets in her lap [userpic]

August 7th, 2008 (11:13 am)

Man, people. I am not understanding this crayon situation at all.

But for those of you who suggested I go straight to the top? I think that might be necessary.

Here is where things stand at present.

You see, yesterday I was looking for retired crayons, and I found that, according to the Crayola website, there were twelve "retired" shades: the eight that are available in a special collector's tin on eBay, and the four that aren't. You know, the ones I was ranting about -- magic mint and teal and mulberry and that stuff. So this was of grave concern, obviously, because those are Important shades, and frankly I think it is Crayola's responsibility to make those available to the needy consumer.

However, there is something rotten in the state of Pennsylvania, where Crayola is based. I first got a whiff of it when I noted that the thistle crayon, although it is NOT a part of the 120- or 150-count boxes, is nevertheless not marked as "retired". Well, if it is not retired, then why is it not available? What is the distinction between “retired” and “unavailable”? Something is fishy here.

The plot thickens.

Because there is the issue of piggy pink. I had forgotten about piggy pink when I posted yesterday -- which is interesting, because it is an issue I have been well aware of in recent months. You see, for a long time I colored with a 120-count box of crayons, and one of the standout colors in it was piggy pink. Now, despite its awful name, this was a really useful crayon, because it’s very close to white, with just the slightest pink shading. This makes it very important in blending -- many’s the pink flower I’ve colored, deep pink in the center and almost white at the edges, for which piggy pink has been absolutely crucial in ensuring that the various shades of pink blend smoothly into one another. And so I deeply regret to tell you all that piggy pink is NOT PRESENT in the 150-count set of crayons. This has not bothered me too much of late, because I simply took the piggy pink crayon from my 120-count box of crayons and placed it in the 150-count box. But this is not a wholly satisfactory arrangement. For one thing, the piggy pink crayon is quite worn at this point, from all that blending; and for another, I took my 120-count box of crayons to my family’s summer cottage on Cape Cod, so I wouldn’t have to carry crayons back and forth with me, but now that box is missing a piggy pink crayon and I cannot color any pink flowers while on vacation.

But the piggy pink crayon is not listed as retired either. Moreover, Crayola’s website explicitly claims that the piggy pink crayon is part of the 150-count box.

Has Crayola been discontinuing crayons *without* officially retiring them? Without even *notifying the public of the change?* Because if so, I mean, this is very serious. By denying them an official retirement, they are erasing these crayons from Crayola history. Please alert the spirit of George Orwell. This is very disturbing.

And as any dystopian half worth his salt would tell you, when The Man starts changing history to suit his purposes, there is no way of knowing where he will stop. I have not done a systematic cross-comparison of the crayons from my 120-count box with the crayons from my 150-count box. What if there are more crayons missing from the 150-count box that I haven’t noticed have gone missing because they are of less prominent importance than the piggy pink shade? And what about the 100-count box? I don’t even have one of those, and even if I did, I could not be certain that it was the same 100-count box that was originally produced. What if they are silently phasing crayons out all the time, and nobody notices because there are just so many crayons now?

And there are even more things that are wrong here! I went to eBay just now looking for old crayon collections and found something called a Crayola State Crayon Collection. The crayons are all named after states, or something. What *are* these? The official Crayola History site makes no mention of them! Are they 50 wholly new shades of crayons? Are they old shades of crayons relabeled with state names? (And if there are 50 crayons, how does this square with the assertion that Puerto Rico is included?) And DO YOU KNOW ALSO that Crayola has just come out with eight NEW colors? These are apparently available in the 64-count box, but which eight crayons have they traded out? Their site does not tell us. We have no way of knowing.

I am deeply disturbed.

And so I think the time has come for me to write to the Crayola corporation and demand answers. Where have thistle and piggy pink disappeared to? Are there any other colors that have mysteriously disappeared, with no notification to the public and no acknowledgment, even, that they ever existed? They may deny everything. If so, I will have to take further steps. Perhaps diligent eBaying will find me enough old boxes of crayons that I can do my own independent cross-comparison of the contents and report to LJ with my findings. Perhaps there are other Crayola enthusiasts out there who own various boxes from various points in history and who could be induced, via email or blog comments, to provide an inventory of what their boxes contain -- and what they don’t.

But the truth must be brought to light.

ETA: Oh man, thanks so much to andrewducker for bringing this to light. Now I know that there are people out there as obsessive as I! The webpage does not fully answer all of my questions: for example, it lists piggy pink as being a current shade, and I know it isn't in my box. It lists several colors as having been renamed (Vivid Tangerine to Fun in the Sun? "Fun in the Sun" DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A COLOR! Unless it's bright pink from sunburn!) when I know they haven't. At least, not in the 150-count box I have. And there are 152 crayon shades listed, but my box of 150 crayons seems actually to have 150 crayons, and eight of them are glitter crayons (unlisted on that wiki) and eight others are metallic crayons (also unlisted on the wiki). And I love my glitter crayons and my metallic crayons... but which eighteen crayons are missing from the 150 box? And why do they not tell you about it? Why do they pretend that the only color that was ever removed from a purportedly full-line box of crayons in order to make the count even was the removal of thistle from the 120-count box? I am impressed by the work of the diligent original researchers (WIKIPEDIA SAYS THAT LIKE IT'S A BAD THING, BUT HOW ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET AT THE TRUTH, I WANT TO KNOW) who have provided me with so much information via Wikipedia. But I think I still must write to Crayola. This isn't over yet.


(Deleted comment)
Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: August 7th, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC)

...does it help in any way that torch red, aka scarlet, is like the best color in the box?

Sorry about Washington getting the white crayon, though. I use the white a lot for blending, but even I won't pretend it's an awesome crayon.

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: August 7th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC)

Yeah, you have to scrape the little bits of other colors off the white crayon with your nail, and then try to get the grungy wax out from under your nail somehow. It isn't ideal.

I suppose it is true that chile peppers are not that color. They should release a color that is actually the shade of chile peppers. The palette is SO LACKING.

And you SHOULD have strong feelings on the subject of crayons. EVERYBODY should have strong feelings on the subject of crayons.

Posted by: Kare Bear (luvs_chicago)
Posted at: August 7th, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC)

Illinois is black, like Lincoln's hat. Hello, how about Chicago Cubs Blue???

Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: August 7th, 2008 04:38 pm (UTC)

Oh, man, and they assigned blue as "America the Blue-tiful." That's bad.

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: August 7th, 2008 05:55 pm (UTC)

I am now tempted to color a picture of a fruitbat and either send it to you or scan it for you. There's a site that has realistic coloring pages of all sorts of animals, I bet they have fruitbats. I could color it and then put it inside one of those no-smoking strikeouts or something.

I am absolutely, totally, 100% with you on the dried and undried chili peppers thing. Phase OUT the damn jazzberry jam and all the other pathetic fluorescent colors that have no place in coloring anything besides an LSD trip, and GIVE ME MY REALISTIC CHILI PEPPERS.

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: August 7th, 2008 06:22 pm (UTC)

Dude, they are so moving beyond naming things after colors. I just (finally) figured out what's up with these supposed new colors that they're releasing: they're just old colors, except now they have names like "Famous" and "Awesome" and "Best Friends" and "Super Happy". THESE ARE NOT COLOR NAMES. And they renamed wild watermelon to awesome and WILD WATERMELON WAS NEVER AN AWESOME COLOR IN THE FIRST PLACE. And laser lemon is renamed super happy and LASER LEMON IS UGLY AND USELESS AND WHEN I SEE IT IT DOES NOT MAKE ME SUPER HAPPY, IT MAKES ME SUPER ANNOYED THAT THEY DID NOT RETIRE IT AND KEEP MULBERRY INSTEAD. And this is just TERRIBLE, Moi. It's terrible.

(The way I say that reminds me of the way that my grandmother says things about Obama and Terri Schiavo [who is still a topic of conversation in my family]. If I go to the family reunion, I wonder if I could strike up conversations about crayons? People, around here at least, seem more interested in them than I had anticipated.)

Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: August 8th, 2008 04:17 am (UTC)

Okay, man, they actually do have a fruitbat coloring page:

o hai I r fruitbat

But then they also have some vampire bats, a concept which seems to combine two particularly virulent crazy-makers of late:

o hai I r ANGRY vampire bat

I r menacing

I r... doing push-ups?

So I don't know what that last one is. But I can totally color you a fruitbat, or a vampire bat, and send them to you or scan them or what have you. I like coloring.

Posted by: Kare Bear (luvs_chicago)
Posted at: August 7th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
Twilight 2

Your icon is made of win. Breaking Dawn is indeed made of WTF.

Posted by: Rebecca (theniwokesoftly)
Posted at: August 7th, 2008 07:58 pm (UTC)

Hafta say, the Virginia one is pretty clever. It's "Williamsburgundy".

Also, your icon = brilliant. That book was such a freaking train wreck.

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