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the girl with violets in her lap [userpic]

February 4th, 2009 (10:25 am)

I spent a few minutes surfing Google News this morning. Boy, did I learn a lot! Namely: the news is really, really boring today.

Because I'm just an all-around great kind of gal, I decided to help the news organizations out and hook them into some stories they could run that are not boring crap. These are the headlines I want to see, guys. I bet if you ran them, your readership would go up!

Obama on Economy: “God, Quit Whining, There Are Starving Kids in Africa”
Suggests Americans Donate Cars, Tanking Stocks, Inferior iPod Knockoffs to Raise Funds To Combat Third-World Poverty

Study Reveals Fatphobia Epidemic
Skyrocketing Percentage of Americans Are Really Really Really Obnoxious About Other People’s Weight; “Maybe We’ve Been Going a Little Overboard, Releasing Five or Six Poorly Researched Studies Per Week,” Scientists Say

Julie Andrews and Carol Burnett Acknowledge Long-term Lesbian Love Affair
“Time To Stop Hiding,” Says Burnett

Conservative “Pro-Family” Organization: Homosexuality Is a Sexually Transmitted Disease
President of Organization “Just Had Sex with a Guy That One Time,” Fears He Is Now Homosexual

Collecting Cabbage Patch Minis Linked To Longer Life, Better Sex

Proud Parents Brag About How Much Time Their Sons Spend Toking Up in the Basement
“He’ll Be an Olympic Star Someday,” Says Excited Mom

All of Your Favorite Movie Stars Will Soon Be Appearing in a Movie Together, Naked

This is better. Don't you think it is better? This is better.

Comments

Posted by: Katie (october31st)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)

I spent a few minutes surfing Google News this morning. Boy, did I learn a lot!

I love the general concept of "jokes which are told poorly or messed up somehow," and so you'll get why I keep chuckling and changing this in my head to "I spent a few minutes surfing Google News this morning. Boy, are my arms tired!"

Conservative “Pro-Family” Organization: Homosexuality Is a Sexually Transmitted Disease
President of Organization “Just Had Sex with a Guy That One Time,” Fears He Is Now Homosexual


Win.


All of Your Favorite Movie Stars Will Soon Be Appearing in a Movie Together, Naked


I don't really have favorite movie stars! When asked if I have a crush on an actor, I say yes, my boyfriend. :D

Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 04:19 pm (UTC)

I was going to say "But wouldn't you like to see your boyfriend naked in a movie with Scarlett Johansson?" but, actually, probably not. ;)

Posted by: Katie (october31st)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 04:27 pm (UTC)

I've gotten over my whole ScarJo thing! I dunno, I haven't been feelin' it for quite a while. Sad but true.

Also, I am totally trying to deal with the fact that boy will be kissin' a fellow actress in a play this summer. Script says "They make out passionately" and everything. Tryyyying to deeeeal. :-O

Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC)

Oh, dear, I am sorry. :(

Did you consider going out for the part? :)

More emoticons:

;) O.O XD

Posted by: Katie (october31st)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)

Already cast. Have somehow resisted the urge to Google the shit out of the girl's name and compare photos.

The playwright is a friend of us both and the play is fun (vampires!) and I'm glad he's getting work, but still. There is a tiny primitive corner of my brain which is all RAAAARRGH. ;)

Posted by: Erin (givesmevoice)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 04:46 pm (UTC)
Patti haha I won a Tony!

this post makes me smile.

Posted by: Kristen (teirkin)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 05:10 pm (UTC)

This is, indeed, way freaking better.

Posted by: Kare Bear (luvs_chicago)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 05:29 pm (UTC)
Earth

Love it.

Posted by: don draper's gin-soaked conscience (theholyinnocent)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)
gabster short hair

Julie Andrews and Carol Burnett Acknowledge Long-term Lesbian Love Affair...

...with Cabbage Patch Doll. Sources says that the trysts took place in Burnett's rec room, and that Andrews always brought a bong.

When asked for a comment, Andrews's husband, Blake Edwards, replied, "Hello? This is so going to be my next film."

Posted by: original sinsuality (ladyvivien)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 07:44 pm (UTC)
Family drama

<3

Because Blake would totes say that.

Posted by: Obsessively opposed to the typical since 1987 (baroque_n_roll)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)

Study Reveals Fatphobia Epidemic

THIS.

Posted by: Obsessively opposed to the typical since 1987 (baroque_n_roll)
Posted at: February 4th, 2009 06:09 pm (UTC)
Also...


Collecting Cabbage Patch Minis Linked To Longer Life, Better Sex


Does this apply to full-size CPKs, too, or just the Minis? If it's the former, I'll be sure to let Tracy's mom know...

Posted by: mixed_up_media (mixed_up_media)
Posted at: February 5th, 2009 02:41 pm (UTC)

I have absolutely nothing clever to say in response (but very much enjoyed the post!).

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