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the girl with violets in her lap [userpic]

June 9th, 2007 (04:10 pm)

Hello, amazing person who is going to write me a fic for femslash09! You are amazing! I'm so excited. Jessie Spano's got nothing on me.

Before I get to the pairings, a quick list of things I like and don't like:


  • Consent.
  • Angst (in its place).
  • Snark.
  • Strong characterization, esp. in terms of keeping the characters' voices true to canon.
  • Behind-the-scenes fics, by which I mean stuff that doesn't break canon, but isn't explicitly part of canon-as-written. You know, like Bree and Katherine are having sex behind the scenes through like 2/3 of season 4, but the writers chose to avoid those particular scenes in the script because they were chicken. :P*
  • Consideration of the characters' personal histories (in canon) and how they'd affect their present behavior.
  • Sex scenes...
  • ...that are sexy due to the energy of the writing and the dynamics between the characters. Explicit is fine, but so is non-explicit; both can be really sexy if they're done right.
  • Light bondage.
  • Strong women.
  • Smart women.
  • Carefully edited and beta'ed fics.

  • Rape, non-con, sexual coercion, statutory rape, any other form of sexual harassment, assault, etc. Not sexy. Of course such things can come into a fic (for some of these characters, a history of this stuff is quasi-canon), but please, no non-con in the actual pairings I've requested.
  • Heavy kinks (not that I won't read kinky stuff or I find it horrifying or anything, but it's not really my thing.)
  • Sex scenes that are graphic for the sake of being graphic. See above.
  • Super-super-emo-angst in characters for whom that is not canon.
  • Schmoopy, lovey-dovey behavior in characters for whom that is not canon.

Right! On to the specific pairings!

The Devil Wears Prada:

--Miranda/Jacqueline Follet -- To be honest, I have no idea what precisely went down (HAR) between these two. All I know is that at some point, under some circumstances, they were totally, TOTALLY doing it. And it was hot. Past, present, or future fic, angsty or wry (but probably not out-and-out fluff, because Miranda doesn't really... do fluff) -- it's all yours. All I would ask is that Miranda please, please, please not go all emo or start pouring out profusions of goopy Hallmark-speak. The thing I love most about Miranda is that brittle, lacquered quality, the way she keeps everything locked away under this impenetrable bitch persona because that's who and what she's chosen to be and it's long since hardened past the point of change. I'm not saying there can't be a chink in the armor every here and there -- I mean, that's canon -- but just chinks, please, and only when she can't help them.

--Andie/Emily: This is my second-favorite pairing here, but obviously one hell of a lot less obscure, and quite likely more fun to write. I think I'd like a fluffier fic here because I don't really see these two being angsty wrt each other. Funny would be good.

Harry Potter:

--Lily/Narcissa: I think these two could be really interesting. There's a certain parallel between them in the way that they're willing to sacrifice everything for their sons, even though the sacrifices they make are very different on the surface. I specified "Lily Evans/Narcissa Black" because I think that both Narcissa and Lily are likely to have been different when they were younger, before their lives took them on different paths, and that the gap between them could have been bridged more easily.

--Bellatrix/Ms. Zabini: Okay, I'll admit it: I have a thing about ultra-strong mega-bitch evil queens. And I think Bellatrix is hot. I picked Ms. Zabini because the little we know of her is kind of awesome and because she and Bellatrix would make for awesome eye candy. Even if it is all in my head. I would like lots of visual description of these two, plzthx.

--Lily Evans/Andromeda Black: Tbh, I'm not as into this pairing as I am into the other two (I thought I'd taken it out of my signup post actually -- oops!). I listed it because I really like teenage Lily, and I like the idea of her getting together with one of the Blacks. But Andromeda is... kind of boring as an adult in the HP books. However, Tonks is awesome, so maybe Andromeda was similarly Tonks-style awesome in her youth and then later got all maternal and boring? As mentioned, I like strong female characters, so yeah.

Desperate Housewives: Bree/Katherine -- Oh I love these two. They're so great! I love them. And the canonical subtext basically jumps out and smacks you in the face, so there's plenty of ways to go with this. I like the idea of there being both a lot of snark and a lot of angst between these two. As for the romantic/sexual dynamic I imagine between them, I have to admit that I have always had a sneaking conviction that, despite her experience with Rex, Bree would totally be into Dom/sub stuff -- IF she's the sub. I think of her as having a lot of shame around her sexuality and I think relinquishing control over it would simultaneously provide a huge relief for someone who's as tightly wound as she is, and would also sort of subconsciously relieve the guilt because as a sub and therefore the passive partner, she can let go and give Katherine the responsibility for whatever's going to happen. Meanwhile, I totally figure Katherine for having more experience, more fun, and a much more dominant personality. That said, I'm not into really heavy S&M. I like light bondage and I like psychological D/s, but I'm not so much into serious physical pain, and as mentioned, I'm not into heavy kink and definitely not into non-con.

Lost and Delirious: Paulie/Tory -- OK, for once I won't talk your ear (eyes?) off about my thoughts on the pairing. I like them in canon and I'll like anything you choose to do with them, in whatever framework you choose.

Julie Andrews/Carol Burnett RPS -- All right. I shall preface this with sanity: yes, I am totally aware that no one signed up to write this, so there's not even any point in writing about it here, but I am writing about it ANYWAY because LOOK. (Here ends the sanity.) The super-crushy articles about each other and the "wicked, silly, naughty things" they do together, and the videos, and -- no, really! Look, there is THIS VIDEO OF THEM SINGING ABOUT HOW THEY ARE PARTNERS AND CAROL IS THE BUTCH AND JULIE IS THE FEMME and then there is THIS VIDEO WHERE THEY HAVE A WHIPPED-CREAM FIGHT CULMINATING IN JULIE KISSING CAROL'S NOSE and then there is THIS VIDEO WHERE CAROL RIPS JULIE'S SKIRT OFF and then there is the "Old Friends Ending" video on the carolburnettfan Carol-Julie "friends" page, where THEY BLATANTLY JUST SING A LOVE SONG TO EACH OTHER (that video got taken off of YouTube, probably because IT IS SO GAY THEY WERE AFRAID PEOPLE WOULD CATCH ON AND OUT THEM -- YES, I JUST WENT FULL-OUT CONSPIRACY THEORY ABOUT THIS). And then there is THIS STORY ABOUT HOW THEY GOT CAUGHT PASSIONATELY MAKING OUT IN A HOTEL LOBBY. Yeah, still definitely NOT KIDDING.** So you don't have to write this fic and I don't expect you to at all, because I know this is no one's fandom but mine, and that is okay; BUT -- do you understand now that Julie Andrews and Carol Burnett are gay for each other? Like, really, truly, in-real-life lesbian lovers? Good! As a Julie/Carol evangelical, I must meet a certain convert-quota every month.

Anyway, leaving my evangelism aside, I think that's about it. This is probably the longest, most directive Dear Author letter ever. I'm really sorry. I, ah, have a tendency to be a little verbose. ::rolls eyes at self:: I am super-excited to read whatever fic you write, and I totally know it will be awesome (if you're into the same fandoms as I am, how could it not be? THESE FANDOMS ARE AWESOME. ::high-fives you::) Thanks for reading all of this!


ETA OF ABSURD LENGTH: It has come to my attention that someone may write the Julie/Carol pairing after all. Which is made of more squee than anything that has ever squeed in the history of squee! And which means I am going to be a logorrheic directive jerk all over again. But! I has a OTP! Julie/Carol: I has one! Accordingly:


2. Okay, leaving that behind, though, seriously. My primary thing about Julie/Carol slash is that... oh, goodness, I don't even know how to put it. My primary thing is everything! I am a pain in the ass. Here, starting the numbers over, because thus far I have made no sense:

1. My biggest thing about Julie/Carol is characterization/voice. Unlike some RPS pairings where the celebrities in question haven't really done much in the way of public soul-baring and so it's mostly about the pretty, both of these two actually have written memoirs and written a lot of autobiographical material in various sources, as well as having written a lot about what they mean to each other. So there's a lot more specificity of "canon" than there usually is in RPF, I guess. As mentioned, they both have memoirs out, and although I'm not going to be all I DEMAND YOU READ SEVERAL BOOKS ABOUT THEM OR ELSE YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO WRITE THIS PAIRING!!!11, Julie's, at least, is searchable on Google Books. There, I've helpfully linked to the pages that come up when you search for "Carol" within the book. ;) I'm irritated that One More Time, Carol's memoir, isn't excerpted anywhere online, because it's *fantastic*. It really is a great memoir -- not just "a great celebrity memoir," but really a memoir that holds its own among the best of the genre, IMO -- beautifully written and so poignant and funny at the same time. So I'm irritated that I can't link to any of that. But I think mostly you can get a good sense of her voice from that "friends" page on www.carolburnettfan.com. (I love the interview she gave about Julie, and how entranced she was with Julie at first sight and how she went and bought the same eyelash curler Julie had bought because she wanted to be just like her! And when she couldn't get it to work she assumed it was because she was this awkward gangling sort of person, whereas Julie was this beautiful put-together sort who was just the opposite, and then when they finally met and talked she found out Julie couldn't work the eyelash curler either. And it's such a lovely little precis of that particular crushy vibe. OH LOVE.)
2. I don't know if I have a #2. This numbering thing is being AWESOME.
C. (HA! I thought of another thing! But it is not a number!) Attention to real details of their real lives is cool, but not the most important thing in the world; like, I'd prefer things not be outright *wrong*, but it's not like a whole bunch of biographical research is necessary. I promise! Really. In terms of the basics: for a long time Julie was in a slow-dissolving marriage to Tony Walton, while Carol was married to Joe Hamilton, the producer of The Carol Burnett Show, who kind of seems to have been a pretty big asshat from all I can see. Now Julie is married to Blake Edwards, whom some people consider to be a reciprocal beard for her, but who knows. I mostly figure he may or may not be gay/bi, but either way I think he's kind of a stuck-on-himself loudmouth, and I can totally see them having a quietly open relationship. And Carol is married to some random guy that no one's ever heard of, and I basically consider him to be irrelevant, because, um, because he doesn't fit into my fanon. ::shrugs helplessly:: She only married him in like 2002 or so anyway. She divorced Hamilton sometime in the '80s, so there was quite a good-size unmarried window there.
4d. These two are so sweet. This isn't some quick down-and-dirty fling. I think the dynamic between them is pretty clear from the stuff on the Carolburnettfan site though. Because seriously. So. cute.

Okay now I am done! This really does make this letter officially the longest one in the history of the Femslash ficathons. Oh well! I have already admitted that I am a pain in the ass, so there's not much of anywhere else for me to go, is there?


*I know this is not a particularly novel concept, but just for the record, I imagine my fandoms as alternate worlds where these characters really exist, and show writers as go-betweens who, without necessarily realizing it, have like an aerial tuned in to these alternate worlds, so that when they think they're making characters and plotlines up, they're actually just sort of transcribing the signals they're receiving. Sometimes they decide to try to take control over the characters or plotlines when they think something else would work better. That's when they fuck things up. Anyway, when I say "behind the scenes fics", I mean "fics that represent real things that happened in the alternate universe of fandom and got transmitted through the aerial signals, but the writers edited them out." Maybe this is what "fanon" means. I dunno.

**Julie Andrews told that story, about making out with Carol and getting caught, at the award ceremony for Carol's Presidential Medal of Freedom -- which was awarded to her by George W. Bush. *Man*, do I wish I had video of Dubya's expression.


Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: June 10th, 2009 05:32 pm (UTC)
Re: Let's just say...what I'm about to say

As a heads-up: I edited this post to flesh out (omg no pun intended) my thoughts on Julie/Carol a little more, because before I was too busy trying to convert people to the Julie/Carol religion to actually talk much about the ship. XD

Posted by: Regency (egalitarianmuse)
Posted at: June 11th, 2009 03:17 am (UTC)
Re: Let's just say...what I'm about to say
karen hayes


*reads it* *read it* *contemplates it*

If someone--anyone, really, with a passing fancy--were to do this, it would certainly take some doing to do correctly. The resources you've provided are impeccable. Someone is very lucky.

But seriously, I like the Carol/Julie dynamic. They're vibe is very sweet. Especially when Julie talks about how being together is like playing hooky; then, they have to go back to their regular lives and rarely see one another. It's really bittersweet. The things I did not know about them deeply entertain me.

*plot bunnies for fun* July is going to be delicious. No question.


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