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the girl with violets in her lap [userpic]

May 4th, 2010 (06:33 pm)

So yesterday, you may recall, I found myself faced with what seemed to be an unsolvable problem: now that Apartment Life has apparently taken away my Sims' option to just Shoo someone who is annoying them, how do I ever get someone like that to go away? You'll remember that Galinda Arduenna (better known to many of you as Glinda the Good Witch of the North, I suspect) encountered just such an NPC, and that said NPC (bearing the unlikely name of Phil Jitmakusol) followed her around for hours, hitting her and poking her and finally jumping her and flailing into an all-out fistfight. I was emphatically Not Okay with this. But I didn't know how to get rid of the asshole. So he hung around, giggling and playing on their swingset. Maaaaaan.

Thankfully, roseyv reminded me of something that had completely slipped my mind: you can kill Sims! So I went into the game with the intention of pulling one of the usual tricks: putting him in a swimming pool and then pulling the ladders out, putting him in a room with no doors and starving him to death, putting him on a rug indoors and then setting off fireworks next to him. Unfortunately, Apartment Life has made all of these basically impossible. You can't build swimming pools on your landlord's property, and you can't add extra walls to your apartment, and it didn't really seem like a good idea to burn down an entire apartment building just to get rid of Phil Jitmakusol. The Jets were inside on the second floor, after all, and I didn't want to kill all of them.

Then fanboy_of_zeus stepped in to remind me that there are cheat codes for killing people! Yay! (There is also, apparently, a way to make it so that you can turn a person into an object and sell them, so I could have just sold him and never seen him again, but honestly, he had pissed me off too much for that.) So I went and did all the cheat codey stuff, and sure enough, I got an option for NPC Killer! Woot! Apparently if you are an NPC Killer (which sounds like it should be a rock band), you can walk up to any Sim you please and hand them a Dead Token. Not sure why it's a Dead Token and not a Death Token, but either way, apparently you just give them this thing, and they die. This is way better sorcery than Glinda ever mastered in the actual show, let me tell you what.

So I did it. I set Glinda up to be an NPC Killer, and I clicked on Phil Jitmakusol, and I told her to give him a Dead Token. And the option/intention did pop up at the top corner of the screen -- Phil's picture, captioned "Give Dead Token". It was working!

Then she wouldn't.

She... just... wouldn't. All of a sudden that image of Phil's head went away, replaced by another one. The caption? Yep. "Be Poked."

So Galinda got poked. And I told her to give Phil a Dead Token, again. And again she started to, and wouldn't. Galinda! Where are you getting all these scruples! Again the intention changed from "Give Dead Token" to "Be Poked". Before I could try again, she came up with her own option: Attack. And so we wound up back in the fistfights.

Galinda won that one. Oh, yes, she did. She took on that mustard-stained motherfucker and she left him crying in the dirt, man. She totaled his ass. Having done that, she went over to Elphaba and started talking about steamboats. Elphie responded enthusiastically -- steamboats! Green plus signs to that, yo! -- but then Phil got up. And, up in the top of the screen, Galinda got the little box again: Be Poked.

Oh fuck that.

If she wasn't going to kill him I was going to have to. I had had it with this dude, guys! Had it! I dug out some more cheat codes. fanboy_of_zeus had provided me with one that would let me make Phil a member of the household, in which case I could make him directly selectable and kill him in any one of the variety of ways that a household member can die. Damian said it hadn't worked much for her, but I think the game knew just how horrible Phil was and wanted him gone too, because it worked perfectly on the first try. So I added him to the family (ugh), then clicked on him and mused over my death options.

The pickings were slimmer than I'm used to, for some reason. On previous occasions when I've had to kill someone I've had fun making them get swarmed to death by flies, or making them spontaneously combust, but those options didn't show up. The most interesting one left was "Die by Hail" -- I thought it would be fun to see him get hit by a furious localized hailstorm: something like what happens when cartoon characters are afflicted with rainclouds that only rain on their own heads, except that this would be killer hail instead. So death by hailstorm became Phil Jitmakusol's fate.

Once I'd clicked Phil's face disappeared immediately from the sidebar, and the Grim Reaper showed up. He's creepy-looking enough, but he disrupted the archetypal eeriness of his hood-and-scythe getup by pulling a blue cell phone out of his pocket and calling someone -- maybe God, I don't know -- to get the official bureaucratic go-ahead to kill this guy:

Permission was obtained, and the Reaper waved his cell-phone-bearing hand aloft. And then... well, then? People, I have got to tell you, what happened then was hardcore disappointing. The hailstorm was just... light! White light! With gray speckles here and there, sure, but still, Phil most certainly did not get battered to death by an apocalyptic hailstorm. He got beamed into an aura of white light. The dude went to heaven.

So not cool, Sims.

Anyway, after that things cooled off a bit, and the night was winding down anyway. Elphaba, annoyingly, was still trying to pick fights with Anita, and was definitely aiming for the champion title in Excessive Unprovoked Poking now that Phil was taken care of. In canon, of course, Anita would have taken about fifteen seconds of this before ripping into Elphie like she was a wet Kleenex, but I guess I made Anita too nice for that in this game, because she just kept crying. Not as much as Maria, though, who kept crying and covering her eyes just watching all of this. Yeesh.

Also, I think Bernardo might be falling for Galinda. While Elphie was diligently poking Anita, he was talking to Galinda, and I wasn't watching them, frankly, but then when he walked away her face was in his thought bubble and it was surrounded by little pink hearts. That could spell trouble, guys. Slightly too nice or no, Anita will not be letting that one go. Though frankly, if Bernardo picks Galinda over Anita, I say he deserves whatever he gets.

So ends today's Chronicle of the Broadway Sims. Next I'll probably set up the RENT folks next door (meaning Idina will be living next door to another Idina), and after that maybe the Glee cast in an apartment building on the other side (meaning that Kristin will be living next door to another Kristin, if I decide to include April. Actually Idina could be living next door to *two* Idinas, now that she's on Glee. Is that too much Idina for one neighborhood?) I have to say that I like this apartment building setup. It's much cozier than the previous spread-out neighborhoods.

Stay tuned for another exciting installment of The Trials and Tribulations of Kylie's PixelPeople, tomorrow or sometime after that at whenever I get around to writing about it!

ETA: Oh, SHIT, guys! Phil Jitmakusol? Was the landlady's husband. Oh, I totes just killed the landlady's husband. Is this going to mean eviction?


Posted by: nelc (nelc)
Posted at: May 4th, 2010 10:53 pm (UTC)

Oh, that's so funny! I really must fire up Sims 3 and run The Endless family again. Dream kept setting fire to the kitchen last time, Delirium kept missing work, and Despair and Desire kept swapping jobs.

Posted by: roseyviolet (roseyv)
Posted at: May 4th, 2010 10:57 pm (UTC)

You know, given the extraordinarily small amount (almost nothing) that I know about Sims, everything you describe above as being part of “Apartment Life” does make an appalling sort of sense. I mean, the fact is that in reality, those of us who live in apartments, especially in urban areas, really have waaaaaaaaaay fewer options in terms of avoiding unpleasantness, and the unpleasant people who cause it. Sometimes even to such a degree that simply jumping someone in an alley and discreetly knifing them really does start to sound like a fairly reasonable course of action. Or at least like the only rational choice.

I find that weirdly upsetting.

Posted by: roseyviolet (roseyv)
Posted at: May 4th, 2010 10:58 pm (UTC)


"a way to make it so that you can turn a person into an object and sell them, so I could have just sold him and never seen him again, but honestly, he had pissed me off too much for that"

If it had been me, I so would have turned him into a newt. I mean, it's an un-PC stereotype, but really, in Sims world, what isn't?

Posted by: lady of the summer, princess of the morning (diana_hawthorne)
Posted at: May 4th, 2010 11:03 pm (UTC)
macbeth: laugh to scorn the power of man

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! I love these.

Posted by: Pirate Jenny (deliriums_fish)
Posted at: May 4th, 2010 11:20 pm (UTC)
maureen crying

Idina living next to Idina living next to Idina?
Yeah, that would be a little too much, I think.

(When did I get rid of my one Wicked icon? This is the one time I could use it!)

Posted by: kokopellinelli (kokopellinelli)
Posted at: May 5th, 2010 12:12 am (UTC)

I love these posts. SO MUCH.

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