?

Log in

No account? Create an account
the girl with violets in her lap [userpic]

August 27th, 2010 (03:32 pm)
Tags:

So! Sims 3. Here are things about it.

I do not have the money for Sims 3 on the computer -- well, correction; we probably could swing it if I really cared to buy it, but I don't. My Sims obsession is very intermittent anyway, so if we bought Sims 3, two things could happen: one, I could find that I didn't like it much more than Sims 2, in which case it would be a waste, or two, I could find that I liked it much more than Sims 2 and would wind up wasting tons of time playing it, in which case it would be more than a waste. Basically there's no upside to upgrading, so we're not.

Lately, though, I'm finding myself using actual computers less and less, because my Droid kind of does... everything. Seriously. I can't think offhand of a thing that I have tried to get my Droid to do that it won't do. I do my writing on real computers*, but that's about it. Email, news, Facebook, Twitter, web browsing -- if I used to do it on a computer, I probably do it on the Droid now. I even figured out how to post LJ polls from my Droid the other day! Sweet.

Another excellent side-effect of my Droid addiction is that I now have the attention span of a coked-up fruit fly when it comes to interacting with actual life, so I have to have lots of games to play to fill in any of those tiresome spots in your day where things go a little quiet and you would have had to actually, like, have thoughts and stuff in the pre-technology world. Technology has happily resolved this concern, which is why I have lots of Droid games and why I wound up downloading Sims 3 for the Droid last night. I was kind of pleased with myself, actually. Obviously it's not going to be a match for the real Sims 3 graphically, and I figured a lot of the inventory options and stuff would be scaled down in order to save space, but I wanted to fool around with the new personality options they have (you can give your Sims character traits now! Like real people!...) and the new interactions with other Sims. Plus you can just walk around your neighborhood in Sims 3, and talk to people, and... generally do things not inside your house! This is badass, you guys.

So I downloaded Sims 3. And, you know, it's not a bad adaptation of the game for a cell phone. If you speak Portuguese.

Okay, okay. I don't technically speak Portuguese. But I speak some Spanish, which is almost like Portuguese. And when the game asks you what language you would like to use, English is not an option. Or Spanish. Or Italian. Or French. Or... anything with which I have more familiarity than Portuguese. So! Portuguese it is. Here is what has happened so far:

-I created my main character and managed to set her up with a personality pretty easily, by dint of only picking the personality traits that I knew how to translate. Therefore my character is Genio, Simpatico, Impressiona-se Facilmente, Conversador, and Bom Sentido de Humor. In this spirit I clicked to the next screen with the intention of naming her Mary-Sue, but...

-...none of the letter keys on my keypad were working and for some utterly bizarre reason the only alphanumeric character on the touchscreen was 0. So she's a smart nice easily-interested funny conversationalist named 00. Also she wears bright blue Keds, because all the other options were even worse. But she wears them with confidence.

-Having set up Mary-Sue 00 and gotten her into the house, I was pleased to see that her place came pre-furnished. However, it seemed to be missing a few key things, so after a great deal of difficulty I figured out that in Sims 3 you buy furniture over the telephone, and I got to dialing. Unfortunately I hadn't noticed that in Sims 3, the characters start with hardly any money at all. Therefore I went blindly ahead and ordered a computer for $750, then got stymied when I found out that I literally cannot order *anything* else except, like, a lamp shaped like a cherry. I don't -- 00 doesn't -- even have a stove. And you apparently can't return things in Sims 3: Portuguese Edition.

-Well, there was no help for it. Thus I went to use the computer, figuring it would do the things it does in Sims 2 -- meet people, look for jobs, study different subjects, etc. However, as it turns out, to there is only single option that comes up when you click on the computer in Sims 3: "Jogar Sims 3". Oh brother.

-So with no stove or microwave or toaster oven, 00 has no means of cooking anything, which means she's limited to "snack rapido"s, which only keep her sated for like ten minutes. Which would be okay except...

-...the refrigerator broke after like an hour. It's spitting sparks all over the house and I can't call a mechanic because of some reason that I don't understand because I don't understand the error message that it gives me when I try to do it. But I did understand the part about how I can buy a repair kit to fix the fridge! So I bought a repair kit and tried to fix the fridge. And was told I didn't know how to fix the fridge, and I needed to get more skill points. Which I'm supposed to do by... fixing things. What? How can I fix things if you won't let me fix things because I don't know how to fix things? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME, PORTUGUESE SIMS GAME

-Eventually 00 got into imminent-danger-of-starvation territory, so I decided to go for a walk and see if I could get her anything to eat. There actually is a restaurant you can walk to, but 00 is out of money because she spent $750 on an impossibly twee piece of meta uselessness, so she can't buy any food. However! She can break into people's houses when they're asleep and steal their food! This was amazing to me. You can just go up to someone's house, and you get two options: "Batar", which turns out to be "Knock," and "Invadir," which turns out to be exactly what it sounds like. And three doors down from 00 there is this woman named Ana who works at night and is dead to the world all day. So now whenever 00 is hungry, she just breaks into Ana's house and steals food out of her fridge. Score!

-I have learned, however, that it is not a good idea to try to take food from a house in which someone is awake, even if they've let you in. Because 00 tried to do that to this dude named Marcelo once, and he hit her with a fish.

-Anyway, so now 00 is in this groove of sleeping and waking and eating Ana's food and generally doing most of the things that real people do, except more boring. Which is kind of saying something. She even got a job at a convenience store, which makes her a whole $80 a day, which would be just enough to cover two meals a day at the stupid bistro that refuses to ever serve her anything but cheeseburgers ever again because that's what she ordered the first time she went there. Apparently they take the concept of "regular" seriously at the Bistro Portuguesesomething. And that is why she steals all her meals from Ana.

-Oh, and then her shower broke, so now she's taking all her showers at Ana's place too. And her TV broke, so she watches all her TV at Ana's in order to keep her fun-o-meter in middle range. Really she ought to just move in with Ana. Except that then I would have to figure out how to move her out of her current place. Which I don't know how to do. Because the options are in Portuguese.

-But, finally! when you have all her physical needs attended to, she starts developing longer-term desires and dreams! Except I have no idea what to do with them, because every time one comes up, the default option is to prensa OK to bloquear it. Why is the default option to block her desires? I don't know, but I don't know how to do anything else. So she keeps asking me, again and again, and I keep blocking her dearest dreams because that is all I know how to do. 00, 00! I'm so sorry!

-But. 00. When you keep asking me, again and again, to "dormir em camas de 3 pessoas"... I mean, do you actually just want to sleep in their beds? Because that time that you wanted to make Triqui-Triqui with Teresa, you know, I got that. I like her purple mohawk too. But... you seriously just want to wander around into other people's houses and sleep in their beds? What the fuck?

-Anyway I tried it with Marcelo, and he hit her with the fish again. So I am going to have to figure out a way to strategize.

-On those lines, actually, the game itself theoretically ought to be helping me, because every time you switch between screens, little bits of advice roll across the bottom of the screen. Like, "come arroz!" (Eat rice!), or "limpa a tu casa regularmente!" (clean your house regularly!), or "pavimentar os ruas!" (pave the roads!) Or -- and what significance this has I cannot say, but it keeps coming up -- "Cuidado com os macacos!" Beware the monkeys. Okay, then. I will.

-So the game has lots of advice for me. Unfortunately, I don't really know how to take any of it. (Pave the roads? Really?) Nor do I know how to make any of the appliances in my house work, or how to find a restaurant that sells a cheeseburger for less than $30, or what I'm going to do if Ana ever wakes up. Are there jails in Sims 3? Would I even know if I got put in one? What's the Portuguese word for jail? Would sleeping in a bed there count towards 00's desire to sleep in three strangers' beds? And why is 00 so creepy?

These are just a few of the many questions that Portuguese Sims pose for me. Stay tuned for more adventures in Droid Sims: Lost in Translation!

__________________________________


*Except that sometimes I apparently write fanfiction on the notepad app on my Droid. And I say "apparently" because it seems that I do it WHILE I AM ASLEEP. I've long known that my sleep meds sometimes put me into this weird netherland between sleep and waking where I'm capable of having conversations that I don't remember later, and for awhile I used to have a sleep-tweeting problem, until I put the phone far enough from the bed to break the habit. But the other day I went to make a note in the notepad on my Droid and found three full paragraphs of an In the Heights fanfic1, featuring Vanessa and some OC whose gender I am unsure of because their name is JJ and I never used a pronoun. It doesn't exactly have a stellar plot (Vanessa barges out of the club during the blackout, walks into the spray of a popped hydrant and ruins her shoes, then bumps into this JJ person who I think was on the verge of making some smooth moves except I must have fallen asleep completely about then), but it was created at 1:13 in the morning on a weeknight and I don't remember writing it, which pretty conclusively makes it a sleep-fic. Just... what?

1I've never written ITH fic before, either. I just don't even know.

Comments

Posted by: Chris Schmidt (crschmidt)
Posted at: August 27th, 2010 07:42 pm (UTC)

I swear that Sims is like a Dada version of life or something. (Related: Hard To Tell If Wikipedia Entry On Dada Has Been Vandalized Or Not.)

Posted by: Damian (fanboy_of_zeus)
Posted at: August 27th, 2010 07:58 pm (UTC)

Okay, that...sounds like it has only the vaguest passing similarity to the English Sims 3 I have on my computer. It's incredibly amusing to read about, though!

Posted by: Pythian Habenero (lienne)
Posted at: August 27th, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC)
emotions: pedantic

This post is beautiful in every conceivable way.

Posted by: Doc Manhattan (docmanhattan)
Posted at: August 27th, 2010 08:17 pm (UTC)

Wouldn't The Sims in Portuguese mean "The Yeses"?

Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: August 27th, 2010 08:27 pm (UTC)

Is THAT why all those game options are labeled "Sim" and "Nao"! I thought they were being all cutesy and verbing the noun, like "Do you want to continue? No, or Sim [On]!"

Posted by: Doc Manhattan (docmanhattan)
Posted at: August 28th, 2010 01:36 am (UTC)

Yep! Not cutesy, just Lusophone.

Posted by: Nathaniel Wolfthorn (ganimede)
Posted at: August 27th, 2010 08:26 pm (UTC)
hee

What is it with you and the Sims? I don't know how you always manage to have such amusing times with them.

Posted by: lily bart (everypoembreaks)
Posted at: August 27th, 2010 09:46 pm (UTC)

This is fantastic.

Posted by: Obsessively opposed to the typical since 1987 (baroque_n_roll)
Posted at: August 27th, 2010 11:36 pm (UTC)

Well, if nothing else, this is making me rethink about getting Sims 3 for my iTouch. It seems the mobile versions are rather...limited. Although being able to understand the menu options would help. Maybe.

...seriously, though, "beware the monkeys"? Ominous.

You should have a separate Twitter account for your sleep-tweets. That would be stellar.

Posted by: the girl with violets in her lap (slammerkinbabe)
Posted at: August 28th, 2010 08:06 am (UTC)

I wouldn't make the decision about the iTouch Sims 3 based on this post, because what I managed to overlook when I was downloading the thing late at night last night was that this Portuguese version is a cheapy ripoff that is not made by EA. They clearly stole the basic game structure and a decent amount of code, but the large gaps in its functionality would be due to the fact that it's not from EA. I imagine the real mobile Sims 3 would be a lot of fun. Especially in one's native language.

Posted by: Morgan (banshea)
Posted at: August 28th, 2010 02:40 am (UTC)

I giggled through this entire post.

The most oddly addictive Droid game ever is Gem Miner. I'm also fond of Milky Milky, Mahjong, and Bonsai Blast. All of these are free.

Google Goggles and Google Night Sky are both totally awesome and only useful theoretically. Well, except for the one time I couldn't figure out what a painting was and Google Goggles was able to tell me that it was a segment of the Virgin of Guadalupe.

Posted by: roseyviolet (roseyv)
Posted at: August 29th, 2010 10:35 pm (UTC)

I wish now that I had children, so that I could rename one of them "OO."

Also, if you ever stop posting about your Sims adventures, I will be sad.

Finally, I have never been so envious of anyone in my life as I was of you when I learned that you wrote things in your sleep. I would pay good money to be able to do that.

Posted by: Michael (ftmichael)
Posted at: September 1st, 2010 12:33 am (UTC)
jumping people

Your Sim adventures give me more lulz than pretty much anything else in my entire life. Like Nathaniel, I am somewhat perplexed by how you manage to have such epic goings-on with your Sims, as I have never played it and have no idea if everyone is having this amount of wtf and just not writing amazing LJ posts about it. But whatever. Please carry on.

13 Read Comments