March 21st, 2008

wee me, !childhood (wee me)

(no subject)

OMG ALEXIS MAKAYLA WAS KIDNAPPED BY A DRAGON.

Sort of a gay-looking dragon, with smart little buckled shoes and a lot of shiny beaded necklaces. But SHE WAS KIDNAPPED! BY A DRAGON!

What actually happened was that I left her on my desk last night because I have a semi-permanent computer now, and this morning my boss saw her. For REASONS I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, he took her AWAY from my desk and decided that she should be placed on my other boss's desk, next to my other boss's stuffed dragon, to "KEEP THE STUFFED DRAGON COMPANY". Since when has KIDNAPPING A YOUNG GIRL AND PLACING HER IN THE CARE OF A FIERCE DRAGON BEEN CONSIDERED AN APPROPRIATE THING TO DO, I ask you?!

My poor Alexis Makayla! I had to rescue her. I had to apply the force of all my intellect and reason to unlock the mystery of her location1 and blaze a trail to her castle on my valiant steed and vanquish the terrible dragon2 who held my friend hostage.

I think this is the point in the story where I am supposed to marry her, but I am already married, so I do not think that will work. Instead I should probably go to Burger King for lunch again today and get another kids' meal and adopt another Cabbage Patch Mini in the process, and then offer Alexis Makayla my daughter's hand in marriage. (Note that Alexis is my FRIEND, not my DAUGHTER. It is not incestuous.)

Dude, I so have to do this. I don't even want Burger King for lunch today, but I have to do this. You know, I used to occasionally go to Burger King and get a kids' meal because I like having a smaller meal there, but I would give the toy away to a small child. Today, I think I am probably going to wind up buying a kids' meal, taking the toy, and giving the meal to a small child. Or a homeless person.

YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.

I will update with a picture of Alexis Makayla and her bride after lunch!

1Ask the girl who sits next to me if she knew what had happened to it.
2Ask my boss politely if I could have it back, and offer thanks when the answer was yes, plus an apology for actually bothering to ask her about the Cabbage Patch Mini doll in the first place.
!marriage (mawwiage), mawwiage

(no subject)




Kylie Slammerkinbabe
is pleased to announce the marriage of her daughter
Mariah Nicole Slammerkinbabe
to
Alexis Makayla Pabbagecatch
on this, the twenty-first day of March, in the year of our Lord two thousand and eight.
May they walk stand in the light of one another's love through all their years --
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
in wholeness of form and with limbs unfortunately popped off and lost,
in dragon's lair and on top of Kylie's computer tower.



Whom God has joined, let no man put asunder. Nay, nor even a hot diesel dyke with a leather jacket and a jawline to rival Olivia Benson's.


You may all throw rice now.
!julie/carol (julie/carol otp), julie/carol otp

(no subject)

λ and I just got back from seeing Horton Hears a Who. It was quite relatively cute.

However, throughout the movie, I kept trying to figure out what its point was. You know, in the political/philosophical/psychological/religious/cultural/historical sense. I blame the pro-lifers who laid claim to the "A person's a person, no matter how small" line. I myself, though I love Dr. Seuss and read a great deal of his books as a child, never did own a copy of Horton Hears a Who, so I squinted very hard at the screen as I attempted to determine whether its message was that of:

-A religious fable
-An anti-religious fable
-A pro-life movie
-A pro-choice movie
-A movie about the perils of Skinnerian behaviorism
-A movie about why we should go back to considering psychotic people to be prophets or saints
-A movie about why you should trust that there are more things in the world than you can perceive with your senses
-A movie about why the only things you should believe in are the things you can perceive with your senses
-A movie about the evils of fascism
-A movie about the evils of communism
-A movie about pacifism
-A movie about the cruel indifference of nature to human suffering
-A movie seeking to debunk Darwin's theory of natural selection and to support instead a new theory which might be designated "elephant ex machina"
-A movie about how apparently when you decide to include in your soundtrack a classic'80s romantic ballad of gorgeous and transcendent schmaltz, you should only sing a third of it, then put that third in all the commercials for the movie as a tease so that people will go to the movie and look forward the whole time to hearing Carol Burnett sing "I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore" in the voice of a purple kangaroo, only to find out that, oh, no, wait, sorry, the clip is only thirty seconds long and twenty seconds of them are a duet between Steve Carell and Jim Carrey

I think maybe I don't quite have the hang of watching children's movies.

I still need an icon of Carol Burnett as a purple kangaroo though.